By Bixyl Shuftan
Of the scenarios, there are several. There's the European war scenario, there's the American theater in which players fight over a fractured North America. There are scenarios in which the action takes place four times more than realtime, and then there's the zombie fights in which all players have a mutual enemy: the infected. And there are global map games in which players can pick any country on the map.
I also decided to make an announcement in the news feed. Most of the bulletins there are reports of declarations of war and the results of battles. But players can make them as well. In previous games, they were often warnings against other players or trollish remarks. But I made up a press release ...
Hello, is Borat, Minister of Information of glorious nation of Kazakhstan.
Today, our great leader make decision to restore order to unstable neighbor Kyrgyzstan. Our glorious troops are marching into their city to the cheers of local peoples.
*image of ragtag-looking soldiers, some with patches on their uniforms and dents in their helmets, making their way into a city, occasionally stopping as the people up front check the map, scratching their heads as the locals ignore or boo them*
Great glory to Kazakhstan!
I would do the same with Uzbekistan, and message my neighbors saying I wasn't looking to start any fights. Eventually, I began noticing some player-controlled units had stopped moving. I messaged them to make sure they had gone inactive. And once I was sure the player was gone, I would make my move. In these games typically a lot of countries go inactive as players give up after a difficult fight or having gone to bed or work log back in to see much of their land is overrun.
Hello, is Borat, is Minister of information of great nation of Kazakhstan.
Today,
our great leader ordered our glorious forces into (country) due to it's government collapsing after disappearance of leader. No truth to rumor we have anything to do with disappearance.
Local forces are laying down arms after negotiations.
*image of Kazak troops turning around and running away from a well-defended building*
Great glory to Kazakhstan!
By this time, I had researched the ability to make tanks.
To those who think of challenging our mighty nation, beware! For our brave soldiers are backed up by mighty, state of art tanks!
*image of a somewhat antiquated T-55 with rust spots on it's paint job, lumbering forward, the tank tread breaking and it has to stop.*
Great glory to Kazakstan!
And was producing fighter jets. They could only damage ground targets a little, but they were great for scouting around.
Our most glorious army is matched by a most glorious air force. Behold our jets which will rain death from above on our enemies and will defeat any enemy planes!
*image of an outdated MiG-21, with a faded paint job, it's underpowered engine sputtering as it makes it's way down a runway, barely clearing the trees at the end*
Great glory to Kazakstan!
To my surprise, among the countries going inactive early on, though after the mass resignation a few days in the game was Russia.
This was a challenge and an opportunity, and I sent in a number of units
to take over as much of the country as I could.
It is with sorrow that we announce collapse of government of Russia. We are moving forces in before neighbors hostile to Russian brothers do so, so we create an autonomous area under our protection. Already there are reports of Russian soldiers joyously joining our cause.
*image of Kazak troops turning around and running away from a well-defended building with a Russian flag*
Great glory to Kazakstan!
I managed to get the bulk of Russian territory, most of Siberia and much of European Russia including Moscow. But China got Vladivostok and bordering countries got some Russian cities including Ukraine getting Rostov, denying me a port. But I had other targets of opportunity, and was moving into Afghanistan, then Pakistan.
Our most glorious forces are moving south into Afghanistan in order to deal with most dastardly terrorists threatening our glorious nation and many others. We have recently captured video footage from terrorist training camp.
*image of a scruffy middle-aged man in Afghan garb and a turban before a small crowd of similarly dressed younger men*
"All right students, step number one, put on the vest" *the man takes a vest with it's insides stuffed with dynamite, with a wire attached to a rod with a red button on the top, then puts it on, holding the rod*
"Step number two, find a place with a number of infidels. Step number three, press the button."
*the man presses the button, followed by a huge explosion that knocks the camera to the ground. When the smoke clears, the crooked camera shows an empty pair of shoes where the man used to be, followed by a turban falling down*
Great glory to Khazakstan!
I do remember I was able to avoid fighting with Turkey and Iran. I don't remember how the fight with India started. It was also about this time I got into an alliance with Japan and Indonesia.
Today, our most glorious nation signed pact with two most intelligent countries. The signing was followed by a performance by artists of our most glorious culture.
*image of a woman in an ethnic dress on stage singing very much off key, whom when finished walks aside as acrobats also in ethnic costume leap and flip over various farm animals to a confused audience of several diplomats*
Great glory to Khazakstan!
Indonesia took Malaysia, and Burma, and we ended up splitting India, with the Kazaks taking the larger share. We eyed China cautiously, but I don't remember any big incident. Lacking a port, my response was to build up my airplanes, helicopters, and easily transportable infantry, as well as factories, recruiting centers, and infrastructure.
Our glorious army is backed by a strong population, Here at our recruiting center, we see numbers of eager patriots signing up.
*image of several scruffy men lined up at a recruiting center, one looking to the camera*
"Actually, we were drafted. We're just here to turn in our papers."
Great glory to Khazakstan!
Our most glorious army and air force has mighty weapons. But mighty weapons need mighty factories. Behold our recently expanded arms factory!
*image of a very sooty brick building, with cracks in the older part and the newer part having uneven layers of bricks and an open double door showing some very rusty machinery inside*
Great glory to Khazakstan!
Then the player behind Ukraine attacked. My producing large numbers of planes and helicopters paid off as his few fighters were brushed aside and the attacking units were pummeled. This was followed by a counterattack which took the once-Russian city of Rostov. When cities change hands, infrastructure is usually damaged. But the port was intact. I quickly repaired it, and fast-tracked the building of a cruiser. I now had a navy.
Our most glorious army and most glorious air force is now joined by most glorious navy. Behold our mighty battleship!
*image of a Kirov-class cruiser with a worn and rusty paint job, the ship clearly having seen better days*
Great glory to Khazakstan!
The player behind Ukraine quit in the middle of the fight, either because he didn't expect a hard counterattack. Or maybe it was the forces from Romania. I can't remember if they were moving up before or after he quit. But in any event we ended up splinting Ukraine him getting Kiev.
I forget exactly when, but someone sent a few spies at me. When one was caught, I made light of it.
Our most glorious nation was the target of most dastardly spy campaign. Here, we have footage of arrested spy confessing to crimes.
*image of a man in uniform standing over a harmless-looking young man wearing jeans and a t-shirt sitting on a stool*
"I tell you it's all a mistake! I'm just a tourist who got lost and - "
"We know you spy. You will confess, or we go third degree."
"I don't know anything, I swear!"
"Very well." *the official gets a tape player and presses a button*
"I loooovvvveee yooouuuu, yoooouuuu loooovvveee mmmmeeeee ...."
"WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I'll talk! I'll talk! I'll taaaalllllk!! Anything but that!"
Great glory to Khazakstan!
And I responded by sending a few spies his way.
While our glorious nation can beat any force against us, we can always use intelligence. So we send spies to unfriendly dastardly country.
*image of a man in a trenchcoat, with noseglasses over his face*
"Hello. I am friendly tourist of friendly nation. Not spy from Kazakstan. Where is government building?"
Great glory to Khazakstan!
The first response to the spying got some chuckles, one player saying, "Hahaha! Bixyl is the soul of this game!"
Time went on. The leader of our alliance ended up tossing out Indonesia as Australia wanted to join. I kept close tabs on Indonesia, and asked the others to remain on friendly terms with them. But eventually the player quit, letting me know ahead of time and moving his units away from my territory and toward China and Australia.
It is sad that we report the collapse of most glorious government of Indonesia. Our forces our moving in before hostile neighbors do, so we establish autonomous zone.
Our glorious soldiers are meeting enthusiastic crowds as they enter cities.
*image of angry crowds throwing garbage at army transport trucks*
Great glory to Khazakstan!
From what I recall, a tiff started with China. So I was sending some assistance with planes and some ground forces. Then the Romanian player attacked, and he had help from the USA player who dropped nukes on a few of my cities.
We are sad to report nuclear reactor has exploded. Was not nuclear missile attack.
*image of a mushroom cloud going up*
We soon clean area and rebuild.
Great glory to Kazakhstan!
I fell back, managing to keep Rostov, but cruise missiles kept targeting the city, damaging the port and halting further ship construction. Thankfully I quickly developed anti-missile technology, and soon had ABM batteries over my best cities. I was able to slowly rebuild my factories, and the rate I was producing units.
Eventually, I got the city of Rostov producing ships again, and was able to push the Romanian player back, taking Kiev, and the rest of Ukraine. Then was going into Romania and the Balkans. My teammates were pressing against China, taking Indochina and going into China itself. I even managed an invasion of the USA's occupied territories in South America. Our point total got higher and higher.
Then the game announced it was over. Our faction had won, and I had the highest point total in the game!
It was time for one more bulletin.
Hello, is Borat, is Minister of Information of most glorious Kazakhstan.
Today, it is announced that negotiations have result in peace around world. All major countries order their men stop fighting. The Great War is over! Kazakhstan is strongest of all winning nations with most glorious empire ...
This just in. Great Leader announce formation of Kazak Commonwealth, with territories granted self rule, starting with countries who cooperate with Kazakhstan. Great Leader announce elections year from now, will not be running.
Oh is sad. New leader mean new information minister. I Borat be looking for new job.
Great glory to Kazakhstan!
I would play a few more games of Conflict of Nations. But none would match the fun I had with this game I was prepared to lose as playing a second rate nation with a wacky minister of information, and ended up on the winning team.
Good gaming to you!
Bixyl Shuftan
